sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
