Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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