OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
