My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
