No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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