My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
