haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
