So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
