wakey wakey hands off snakey
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
