If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You need a sexual gate keeper
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
