you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
