Please, let me fuck your mom
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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