Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
