What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
