your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
