I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
