I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
