Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
