just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
