Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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