Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
