Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
