...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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