When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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