It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
