Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
