I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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