dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
