sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
