I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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