Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
