You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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