i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
