did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
