I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
