that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry my hands just texted you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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