She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
