I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
