In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
