you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
