i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
