So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
