The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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