ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
