my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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