not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The air taste purple.
Randomize
