She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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