Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
