God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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