I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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