Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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